Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Rollercoaster

Thanks to not-so-fertile girl, I now know how to add links to my sidebar! yeah! Now, i just need to figure out how to create links in my posts.

Despite my small html-ing triumph, I'm feeling a bit down. I took four, count them FOUR luxurious hours off from my life and parked myself on the couch this evening when I returned home from the museum. It's not as though there isn't plenty to do. I'm fond of lists:

- IRB (institutional review board) certification that needs completion
- paper due in the next week
- study group meeting in addition to classes tomorrow and Thursday
- plus all of the reading for tomorrow and Thursday
- two fifteen minute interviews that need to be conducted and transcribed before next week.

I have a lot to do, but can't seem to be bothered to do any of it. I just want to know if I'm fucking pregnant (lovely way to refer to the miracle of life, no?).

It is tempting to POAS, but know that it's kind of meaningless for me because of the HCG shots and most likely I will see two pink lines that only mean that the hormone is still floating around in my system. Hmm. is it insane of me to POAS just to see what two pink lines look like? I mean, just for the experience? Even if I know that it doesn't necessarily mean it's so? I could even manage pulling together one of those hallmark moments and present Mr. Ax with the two-pink lines and a onesie or something, just to see what it would be like if it were actually pregnant, and surprised by it all, and certain that everything was going to be just great.

And now I'm silently sobbing feel pretty sorry for myself. Pathetic really.

I am really sick of feeling pregnant without knowing if I am. It's a bit cruel to physically feel this way when it's only meds. Ever the optimistic, I just realized the one pregnancy symptom I am NOT experiencing ... constipation. And it is pleasing to know that my body can do one thing right, even if it's crappy.

Oh jesus. I just made myself laugh.

2 Comments:

Blogger abvivanco said...

Hey Chica,
I guess you aren't getting my e-mails so I thought I would send you a comment :) Hope all is well, work has been crazy and haven't gotten home until later in the evening and didn't want to call too late. I say you go and take that pregnancy test and the onesies and do it your way.. Hey, techically you are pregnant by some means even if it is the meds :) Just do it!!! You'll feel great about it..

25/10/06 12:50 PM  
Blogger not so fertile girl said...

Glad to know the linked worked for you. :)

27/10/06 9:15 AM  

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