Friday, August 18, 2006

Bring in the clowns

I can be amazing at time management when I have a lot to do. It's incredible, really, I could win awards. Even the Mr. Ax is awed by my finely tuned skills when I'm in high gear. Juggling three things at once is for sissies. How many things can I manage with success! before ruining the show? The critical word here is CAN. Unfortunately, when I don't have a lot to do, my time management frankly, rots. Years of running myself into the ground trying to balance work, school and life has made it difficult for me to manage my time when I've got nothing but time. Like now. As none of you know, I left my career in HR last Feb (2005) to pursue a new career in academia and anthropology and I haven't worked outside the house. Understand, this is a much needed break and I'm not about to apologize for it. So, if you have snarky things to say about how hard my life must be because the Mr. Ax and our savings (that I worked my ass off to contribute to) are supporting us, you can piss off (Oooo.. my first outlashing at my non-existent readership -- I got a tingle!).

All wonderful stuff, you say, but what's this got to do with anything?

Classes start next week. This is my first official semester in my MA program and I'm a bit concerned about the workload that I've imposed upon myself and it's only 3 measly courses. Most students in the program are working and take at least three years (1-2 classes per semester) to complete the MA. Since I am interested in going on for a PhD, I am motivated to finish the MA in two years, therefore, 3 courses. I'm also starting a volunteer role with a local museum and starting IVF in September. Oh, and I should mention that Mr. Ax is starting an executive MBA program this fall as well. We're degree hungry weirdos. The difference is that his degrees will actually help him land an even better position earning more $$, more responsibility etc etc., whereas my degrees are pretty useless in the world of employment and paychecks. I'm concerned that I won't be able to manage it all and do all of it well. I think it's normal to worry. I know I'll be fine and kick into high gear.. Just haven't felt that kick and a 12 page syllabus (one course!) is already posted with a bizzillion reading assignments.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Pissed and Bleeding

and high on oxycodon, but that's not the point, really. I waiver between feeling like I'm walking on marshmallows and intense nausea. I had my third surgery on Monday and although physically, I'm feeling decent, what I want to know is..

where the f@ck are all of my girlfriends?

You know, the girls that I've been friends with over the last 7+ years? The ones who knew about my surgery and haven't bothered to call or email or otherwise check-in to see how I am doing? Yeah. um those. On the upside, the friends that I've made since our move to Denver last year have been really wonderful and supportive and I'm thankful for them. It's enough to deal with your own fertility issues, but to top it off with questioning the sincerity of friendships you've cultivated over the years is too overwhelming right now. I'm acknowledging that these women have let me down and I'm moving on from feeling bad about it.

The good news: I have a sliver of my right ovary remaining, and my left is still intact except now missing the hemorrhaghic (non-endometrioma) cyst--UPDATE: Well, sort of. As it turns out, I have about 50% of my left ovary.-- My abdomen looks like a battle ground, with scars from three previous surgeries and excised endometriomas. It's painfully bloated and I haven't crapped since the Sunday/Monday Fleets incident (and truth be told, I'm rather fond of my dailyies). Most concerning tho, is the slow stream of blood dripping from my vajayjay. I know it's normal and to be expected, I know why it's bleeding and the procedure that caused it, but it's dang uncomfortable. Apparently, I shouldn't be surprised if I continue to bleed well into my next period, which is 2 weeks away (ha ha.. a whole new twist on the 2ww).

Appointment with Dr. Swami on the 31st to discuss road map for IVF Round 1.